How To Build Confidence & Overcome Shyness
How To Build Confidence & Overcome Shyness
Do you wish you had more confidence and could feel comfortable in who you are? Low confidence isn’t just about your physical appearance, nor can it be remedied with nutrition and training alone. It comes down to the underlying mindset and self-talk you have around yourself.
Believe it or not, there was a time when I was unable to speak to strangers, call people on the phone or struggle to go new places. I would meet new people and automatically assume that they were smarter, more confident, and had their life more put together.
I chalked this up to be ‘introverted’ and ‘shy’. And while there is nothing wrong with identifying with those terms, they placed limitations on how I experienced my life.
And nowadays? I go out of my way to start conversations with complete strangers! I don’t second-guess my decisions, and I’ve turned around my beliefs and the way I see myself. If that sounds like what you’re looking to achieve, here are the tips that helped me to build my confidence.
Helpful tips to build your confidence
Start your day phone-free
One of the first steps I took was limiting my phone use in the morning.
Now before you protest, hear me out! I can’t be offline all the time or go on massive social media detoxes, as my job requires me to have an online presence via my phone. But if the first thing you do when you wake up is pick up your phone, you’re priming your brain for a distracted, stressful day.
When you see or read something negative, you trigger your body’s stress response and put yourself on edge. Social media is a place that makes it easy to compare your reality to someone else’s highlight reel. As a result, you can feel as if your ideas, your routine and your entire life simply don’t stack up compared to what you see online. This feeds into negative self-talk and low confidence.
My strategy is to spend a good chunk of the morning phone-free. If you want to avoid feeling rushed, stressed and anxious every morning, pop your phone out of reach. Even if it’s just 60 minutes between waking up and your first check of social media or emails, it can make a massive difference to your mindset and your productivity.
Introduce more connection
Some of my best friendships have been made during my adult years. I’ve found people who are aligned with me, who inspire me to do better and achieve more and who are fantastic role models. But this didn’t happen by accident!
One of the foundational ways I have increased my confidence is by connecting with others. As often as possible, I’ll go out of my way to connect with someone new. I might start a conversation with someone at the gym, or go a bit overtime chatting with my clients and getting to know them better.
Now, the first few times you do this, it can feel awkward. But the good news is the more you do it, the easier it feels! Don’t be afraid to be the person asking to hang out together or catch up.
The research supports this as a system to build confidence naturally.
One review found that there is a reciprocal link between self-esteem and social relationships. A positive feedback loop accumulates over time – as your social relationships grow, so does your self-esteem, and on it goes.
But when the quality of social relationships is low, it had the opposite effect, reducing self-esteem. So if you have been feeling isolated and shy, this could be impacting your confidence. If you take one step today, reach out to someone who you’d like to get to know better or become better friends with!
Work on your posture
Originally, I started doing this to alleviate the head and neck pain I got from sitting at my computer all day. But there were many more benefits that came with it!
Bad posture gives us more physical tension through the neck, back and chest. This leaves us feeling fatigued and run-down, which is not what you want to support confidence! Poor posture can also cause shallow breathing, which triggers the sympathetic nervous system. This arm of the nervous system is responsible for fight-or-flight mode, which means more stress and anxiety.
The easiest way to start working on your posture? My go-to has been a pec release stretch. I do this a couple of times a day – usually on my lunch break and at the end of the workday as a minimum. For a demo of what this looks like, make sure you watch the video version here.
Learn something new on a regular basis
This could be something small, like a new hobby or skill, or you could dive into a full course. But as we learn, we give ourselves the opportunity to try and fail. This allows us to grow, accept that we make mistakes, and learn to be ok with not being perfect all the time. The more we accept the imperfections, the easier it is to feel confident.
It can feel daunting to leave your comfort zone and try something new, but that is where the most growth happens! I’ve noticed this not only in myself, but in my clients every single week.
When you learn a new skill, it has a positive ripple effect throughout the different areas of your life. For example, many of the women I work with struggle with time management. But as they develop that, it helps them to not only improve their health but also their work, their hobbies, and their relationships.
Start with a small practice. Choose one skill or area that you want to learn more about or get better at each month. As you add more skills and knowledge, your confidence will flourish.
Shift your focus
As humans, we tend to have a negativity bias. This means that we give more importance, attention and weight to the negative experiences in our lives compared to the positive and neutral experiences.
It’s easy to pick on your flaws or notice when something isn’t where you want it to be. But instead, try gathering positive information and evidence about yourself to balance this bias out.
Look for your strengths and the positive traits that you have. This alone can help you to overcome limiting beliefs and improve your confidence because you’ll get an understanding of what you are great at! We can’t be perfect at everything, but there is no benefit to ignoring what we have to offer.
Accept the compliment!
I used to deflect compliments all the time. If someone offered me a compliment, I’d respond with something like, ‘Oh no, I’m actually not’ or ‘Oh but this is still wrong or bad’.
This does two things. Firstly, it reiterates to your brain that you don’t deserve the compliment and focuses back on the negatives. But it also tells the person that’s complimenting you that you don’t believe them or value their opinion. And that’s not what we want others to take away when talking to us!
So start off small, and just thank them. If you can, try to see where the truth in the compliment is. Take it as another positive piece of evidence to outweigh the negatives.
Building confidence is not an easy journey – it can feel slow, arduous, and like you’re in a constant battle with yourself (because let’s face it, you are!)
But remember, confidence is a skill. It’s something you can develop over time with practice. People aren’t born innately confident, so if you want to increase your confidence, you can!
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Hey there, I’m Rachel!
NUTRITIONIST, PERSONAL TRAINER, WELLNESS COACH
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