Is Perfectionism Holding You Back From Your Goals?
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Is Perfectionism Holding You Back From Your Goals?
Have you ever described yourself as a perfectionist, or had others mention you tend towards it? Perfectionism is often framed as a positive trait of high achievers. But it has far more downsides than you might realise.
As a recovering perfectionist myself, I’ve seen first-hand how perfectionism can sabotage progress and degrade self-esteem. But if you suspect it’s an issue for you, there is hope – you can form new beliefs and habits that support your goals.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism involves the need to be/appear to be perfect in what you do. This can include working hard, trying to control situations, fixating on your imperfections and being critical of yourself (and sometimes others).
But the important thing to realise here is that there is a difference between perfectionism and seeking to be your best self.
It’s not about healthy growth or achievement. Although you might be striving for success on the surface, underneath there lurks a strong fear of failure. As a result, your life can end up looking like a never-ending race to accomplish the next ‘success’, without truly learning from the journey.
Here are some questions that might help you identify if you have perfectionist tendencies:
Do you find it difficult to relax your high standards?
Do you believe that if you've made one mistake you've ruined what you’re working on?
Have you caught yourself saying you’re bad at something, even when you don’t know the last time you tried it (or if you’ve even tried it at all)?
Do you get upset when you can't meet your own standards?
Do you get upset when others can't meet your standards?
Have you found yourself spending far more time on a task than others might because you want to get it ‘right’?
If these are relevant to you, then there’s a good chance you’re a perfectionist.
You may not be a perfectionist in all areas of your life – it might only show up in your health, your work or your hobbies. But it may also be that you are a perfectionist across the board and can’t see it in some areas because you’re in the comfort zone (more on that shortly).
The root of perfectionism is the belief that your self-worth is based solely on what you achieve. It may be that you were raised with parents who expected a lot of you, or you only received praise at home or school when you were achieving something. Cultural expectations and modelling by authority figures (parents, older siblings, people you looked up to) also play a role.
How do you know if perfectionism is a problem?
You might assume that being a perfectionist is a good thing. After all, we want our achievements and actions to be the best they can be, right? But perfectionism has a lot of hidden downsides that can sabotage your efforts in the long run.
Some of the biggest issues I see my clients facing when it comes to perfectionist tendencies include:
Staying in the comfort zone
You’re less likely to take risks and try new things because you’re worried that you can’t be perfect at it straight away! As a result, your growth stagnates because you’re doing the same things over and over again.
Self-pressure
What about if you do try something new? Your inner perfectionist starts whispering in your ear about how important it is to be good/great/perfect at this right away. So instead of it being a stimulating and even enjoyable experience, it feels uncomfortable and highly pressured.
Loss of play
You might think that play is a concept that is just for kids. But playing and experimenting is as important for adults as it is for children.
When you lose your sense of play, life becomes incredibly boring and monotonous. It can also drain you of creativity and out-of-the-box thinking.
Passing on the expectation to others
Perfectionism can be contagious. If you demonstrate your perfectionist tendencies consistently in front of someone who looks up to you - your child, your younger sibling, your co-workers or employees, even your friends – you can plant the seed in their minds. This sets off the vicious cycle of perfectionism in others.
What can be done about perfectionism?
You might be wondering how to turn this around. After all, many of us will have perfectionist standards for years or even decades before we realise it’s a problem!
It’s not going to be a quick fix – which can be even more frustrating as we want to be ‘good’ at giving up perfectionism! The key here is to start questioning the beliefs behind the habit.
Start by setting more achievable goals with realistic timelines.
Since we tend to expect more of ourselves than others, you might like to set an achievable goal – then reduce the goal by 25% and increase the timeline by 25%!
So for example, if you have a goal to run 10km straight in 4 weeks, you could tweak it to 7.5km in 6 weeks. If you surpass that? Great! But you’re more likely to achieve the adjusted goal and therefore less likely to beat yourself up for failing (a common perfectionist habit)
Another step is to examine your procrastination.
Of course, we want to avoid procrastinating whenever possible. But when it does happen, ask yourself, ‘what am I unhappy about with this task? Can I do it another way?’
Sometimes, you just need to set a 5 minute timer and work on it to realise that you were afraid to start because you expected to fail or be bad at it. Other times, you might need help or an outside perspective – and that’s ok.
Finally, we want to readjust our view on mistakes and failures.
When you make a mistake or don’t hit your goal first go, it’s not because you’re a terrible person or you suck at everything.
The saying goes, ‘there is no such thing as failure – only feedback’. Mistakes and ‘failing’ are simply lessons that are here to teach you something. It could be teaching you that you’re not a good fit for it, or it could be teaching you that you need more time to master it.
Want to build a healthier mindset and achieve your goals?
If you’re sick of feeling unmotivated, discouraged and unsure where to start, now is the time to take action.
Together, we can overhaul not only your nutrition and exercise, but also boost your motivation and master your mindset – learn more about my 1:1 coaching here.
Hey there, I’m Rachel!
NUTRITIONIST, PERSONAL TRAINER, WELLNESS COACH
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